Jones Soda Holiday Pack: Antacid Flavored Soda

All right, ladies and gentlemen (I say as if anyone actually reads this blog), it’s time for the fifth and final selection from this year’s Jones pack: Antacid Flavored Soda. Although it comes complete with a little plastic dosage cup (marked in cubic centimeters, milliliters, fluid ounces, tablespoons, and drams, so you can measure it however the heck you want), they are careful to assert that it is not actually medicinal. This pastel pink atrocity has been taunting me since I first laid eyes on it, and I have been awaiting this moment with great dread. The very concept of antacid flavored anything--particularly when it is not actually antacid--is deeply disturbing.

Under the cap: “Imagine whirled peas.”
My response: Boy, someone was really scraping the bottom of the barrel for cap messages. Talk about going out with a whimper.

It really does smell like Pepto Bismol . . .

*guh*

It really tastes like it too. Complete with that chalky aftertaste. I find myself rubbing my tongue on the roof of my mouth, just as I do when I drink actual liquid antacid. Of all their flavors, this is the one which truly most closely matches up with the actual taste it’s supposed to represent. However, I’m not actually sure whether that’s a good thing. If you close your eyes, only the viscosity and carbonation tell your mouth it’s not actual Pepto.

Ugh. What were they thinking!?

But it’s still better than the pea soda.

Jones Soda Holiday Pack: Turkey & Gravy Soda

Yes indeed, Turkey & Gravy Soda is back. Of the five flavors in this year’s holiday pack, this is the only one which was also present in last year’s pack. Since I’ve had it before, I know what to expect: something like cold soup broth. Let’s see if it lives up to my memory.

Under the cap: “Adopt a pet.”
My response: I already have. Two is plenty for a one-bedroom apartment.

Yep--cold soup broth. The pale brown gravy color only adds to the effect. The turkey flavor is not very strong, so it brings chicken more to mind. But the gravy is definitely there. I feel like I should be warming it up and adding thick, doughy noodles, carrots, celery, and hunks of shredded turkey. It tastes pretty good, actually. I wouldn’t buy it every day, but I’ll actually enjoy finishing this bottle.

Jones Soda Holiday Pack: Sweet Potato Soda

Today’s flavor is Sweet Potato Soda, the very idea of which disgusts the friend who gave me the Jones pack. However, I’m actually looking forward to it. I love sweet potatoes, so if this tastes anything like them, I’ll probably enjoy it. The color is a cheerful amber-orange, the right and proper color for sweet potatoes.

Under the cap: “Walk barefoot in the grass.”
My response: It’s December. The grass is dead. And cold.

The smell is faint, but recognizably sweet potatoish. I am encouraged.

Hmm . . . I like it. It’s sweeter than actual sweet potato, but the flavor is there--sweet potato drenched in sugar and butter, with a hint of mulling spices. Maybe not quite as good as last year’s fantastic cranberry sauce soda, but I’d put it on par with the pumpkin pie soda, which is to say, yummy. If this flavor were available outside the holiday pack, I would probably buy it for normal consumption.

This one’s a winner!

Fungus and Otter

And now a digression from the Jones Soda trials . . .

A friend and I went to the forest and the zoo today. We didn’t see much in the forest beside the flash of white that alerted us to a fleeing deer, but we did see a vast proliferation of a particular type of fungus. I don’t know the name of it, but it’s actually quite beautiful. This formation looks like a rosette.


Later at the zoo, we saw many cool things, from an adorable baby corn snake to snow leopard cubs playing with a ball. But the most fun of all was the otter standing on the turtle. This poor turtle was sitting on the bank, minding his own business, when the otter popped out of the water, then stood on the turtle’s shell while he rubbed his face on a branch. Unfortunately, the lighting was not very good, so this picture is absolutely terrible.

Jones Soda Holiday Pack: Pea Soda

Yes, you read that right. Pea Soda.

First, I must comment on the color of the pea soda--somewhere between green and yellow, it is not a color that any food or drink ought to be. Perhaps “pea” is misspelled, because it looks rather more like “pee.” The repulsive hue alone is enough to turn my stomach, but I must at least taste it, in order to make an accurate judgment of the flavor.

Under the cap: “Your reputation for being honest will bring rewards.”
My response: *shrug* Can’t argue with that. But sometimes it’s hard to tell rewards from punishments.

Now I’m staring at the bottle, afraid to take a sip . . .

Okay . . . still psyching myself up . . .

Closing my eyes . . .

I got the bottle near my face, and the smell was enough to make me put it back on the table. I can not describe this odor, other than “not food.” Peas are not necessarily my favorite vegetable (legume, whatever), but I like them well enough. This vile, cloying smell, however, is not pea.

Okay, ready to try again . . .

Oh. Dear. God.

This taste, also, is most decidedly not pea. This ranks somewhere between last year’s flavors of Brussels sprout and wild herb stuffing, which is to say darn nasty. Also, it is sweet. Really sweet. Now, I do have a wild sweet tooth, but there are good sweets and there are bad sweets, and this is definitely a bad sweet. It’s considerably worse than the disgusting Japanese white candy pellets you buy--and throw away uneaten--in order to get the cool toys. In fact, that’s actually the closest flavor comparison I can make to this soda.

Okay, I’ve had my sip. Time to pour the rest into the toilet.

Jones Soda Holiday Pack: Dinner Roll Soda

For Christmas, I received the Jones Soda Holiday Pack, a collection of five soda pops with flavors to simulate a full meal. Last year’s pack provided me with a five-point scale on which to rate this year’s flavors.

Last year’s flavors:
1) Brussels Sprout with Prosciutto = unfathomably nasty (I had to pour most of it out)
2) Wild Herb Stuffing = plain nasty (I finished it, but it was a struggle)
3) Turkey & Gravy = not bad (in fact, surprisingly good)
4) Pumpkin Pie = quite yummy
5) Cranberry Sauce = delicious (I’d buy this year-round)

This year, four of the five flavors are new. I have lined them up in my refrigerator in the order I would consume them if they were part of an actual meal on my plate: dinner roll, pea, sweet potato, turkey & gravy, and antacid. I will have one each day, and post a report on the flavor.

Today’s flavor: Dinner Roll

First and foremost, the experience of a true dinner roll is as much about texture as taste. In fact, I’d say that texture is absolutely critical to any bread experience. So the very concept of a bread-flavored soda is deeply disturbing to me. Bread is not meant to be liquid.

Well, here goes . . .

Under the cap: “You will seriously consider a move by year-end.”
My response: No. No, I won’t.

If the label did not say “dinner roll,” I’m not certain what I would call this flavor. “Butter” comes to mind, with a faint chemical aftertaste. It reminds me of a less-sweet version of the Jelly Belly “buttered popcorn” flavor. It’s actually not a bad taste. Certainly not one I’d care to have again, but not wash-my-mouth-out horrible, either. I guess I’d rank it in the middle, with “turkey & gravy.” However, a “dinner roll” it most certainly is not.

Oh, and by the way, according to the “What Jones Holiday Soda Are You?” Quiz, I’m . . .

You Are Broccoli Casserole Soda

Vegetarians taste better!

What Jones Holiday Soda Are You?

I’ve never tasted that soda, nor have I tasted a vegetarian, but I do love broccoli casserole . . .

If you really have nothing better to do with your time, you can take the quiz yourself at:
http://www.blogthings.com/whatjonesholidaysodaareyouquiz/

Driftwood Cross

Even though it’s a couple days early, I’d like to wish everyone a merry Christmas and (if I don’t post before then) a happy New Year!

I’d like to share this beautiful driftwood cross which belonged to my stepbrother. I imagine he found it while hunting. He had it hanging on a pair of nails in his garage, with “Acts 6:10” scrawled on the wall beside it. The wood grew this way naturally. I’d never seen anything like it before.


Peace be with you!