Tea Set

I gave Mom a box of flowering tea for her birthday, so she brewed a pot to share with Grandma and me.


Since it was a special occasion, she decided to use the special tea set, which had possibly not been used since the time of my great-grandparents.

Grandma remembers her father purchasing it as a gift for her mother at the Ptacek Merchandise Store in Bruno, Nebraska, probably at least 80 years ago. The store was owned by her grandfather (hence my great-great-grandfather) and managed by her uncle, and the tea set was memorable because it was so unusual and fancy for that place and time. But it was rarely used because it was too impractical for the farm. It was something only for special occasions.

Prior to having tea with Mom and Grandma yesterday, my memories of this tea set were limited to seeing it always on the top shelf of Mom's china cabinet. It was so pretty and shiny, which made it eye-catching, but I never saw it used. The pieces are light and delicate, like egg shells.

Not that I expect it to be valuable or anything, but because I was curious, I went online trying to find information about the company that made it, James Studio China. However, I only found a few eBay listings for random cups and creamers of other patterns. Nothing like our blue set. So I thought I'd post pictures of it here, in the hopes that someone who might have information about it would stumble across this post and contact me, to satisfy my curiosity.


The set includes a teapot, creamer, sugar bowl, six teacups, six saucers, and six dessert plates. Not all pieces of the set are shown here, but this ought to give you an idea.


The glaze on the outside is iridescent blue with a red and yellow flower pattern, possibly poppy. The inside of each cup, as well as the creamer and sugar bowl, is iridescent gold.


On the bottom of each piece is the artist's palate logo for James Studio China, Japan.

Turkey-maki

I was discussing food with two of my coworkers today. One of them, who is normally the type who is willing to try any food, has never had sushi. The other coworker, like me, loves sushi. We explained that sushi does not necessarily involve raw fish. Slices of raw fish are sashimi. The requirement for sushi is actually the style and preparation of the rice. There are many types of sushi that contain cooked fish, or no fish at all. My favorite of the latter type is tamago, that wonderful slice of egg custard bound to the rice with a thin strip of nori. Mmm. But I digress.

We talked about several of the American types of rolled sushi. The California roll is probably the best known, but I'm partial to the Philadelphia roll, which contains smoked salmon and cream cheese. I've also experienced the strange glory that is the Nebraska roll, which features beef and asparagus. We talked about how you can put nearly anything in a sushi roll. And I thought about what I happened to have in the fridge right now, which is not much--just sandwich fixins. But when I half jokingly said I could make turkey and spinach sushi, they both said it sounded good. And so I decided to try it for supper. That thought sustained me through the rest of the workday, and now here I am.

It came out pretty well. I used shaved deli turkey, fresh salad-grade spinach, and a shred of mozzarella string cheese. I call it turkey-maki. The combination of sweet vinegary rice and salty nori is more pleasant in both flavor and texture than bread, so it turns out that I like this much better than a sandwich filled with the same ingredients. Well, okay, in a sandwich, I'd use a slice of provolone instead of mozzarella, but it's the same idea. Although, I think the cheese ended up being superfluous. I may leave it out next time.

Here are the ingredients laid bare. I've been taught two different ways of making rolls, by two different Japanese people (so I consider both "authoritative"). One method is to wet the bare edge of nori with water to seal the roll like an envelope, the other is to make a thin dotted line of rice grains to glue the roll together. Tonight I opted for the latter. Your mileage may vary.



And here are the uncut rolls. If I did this more often, I'm sure they'd be neater. But I haven't made sushi in at least a year, so I'm terribly out of practice.



And here is the final product. Again, if I did this more often, I'm sure they'd be cut more evenly, and the insides would be swirled nicer instead of merely squished as they are. But even if they're not beautiful, they are delicious.

Awesome Dragon

Dragon cake
Originally uploaded by Astro-Lopithecus

Can you guess what this is? Can you?! It's a CAKE! This is the most amazing cake I've ever seen! Visit Flickr to see this cake from other angles and in various stages of being eaten.

Maple-Bacon Lollyphile

Among other things, I received a pair of unusual lollipops for Christmas. I had the first one of them today. The flavor? Maple-bacon. And the flavor is not chemically constructed, as with certain jelly beans. The lollipop was a disc of maple candy with crumbles of actual bacon suspended through it.

And it was fantastic! The flavor was amazing and wonderful, because it was pure and genuine. The texture was very interesting. Most of the bits of bacon were very tiny, which as they emerged from the maple made the surface of the lollipop feel a bit like sandpaper. The largest chunks of bacon were soft and meaty.

Your mileage may vary, of course. But if you like smearing your bacon through the leftover maple syrup from your pancakes, you'll probably like this lollipop.

They are made by Lollyphile. Apparently they only make three flavors of candy at present: absinthe, maple-bacon, and wasabi-ginger. I do not have one of the absinthe-flavored ones, but I will report on the wasabi-ginger one when I eat it.

Addendum 7/19/2010: I know I promised to report on the wasabi-ginger lollipop, but the truth is I never ate it. It got misplaced, and then it got wet. I found it in my cupboard, misshapen and kind of gross looking. I'm kind of disappointed, because I'll probably never have another chance to try one. But oh well. That's how things go sometimes.

Mountain Dew SuperNova

And the third and final of the new Mountain Dew flavors is SuperNova. It's sort of a purplish pink. Magenta if you will. Very appealing.

The label describes it as "Dew with a blast of strawberry melon flavor and ginsing." That's the common thread of all three sodas. As much as the Mountain Dew label itself, ginsing binds them all together.

The smell is . . . actually not that different from the smell of Voltage. On second whiff, I can pick up more on the strawberry.

Hmm. The taste is nice. As they say, strawberry melon. My impression is watermelon, as opposed to cantaloupe, muskmelon, or honeydew. The strawberry and watermelon flavors balance perfectly--neither overwhelms the other. Very nice, but something's missing. Where's the citrus zing? Isn't that required for Mountain Dew? Not that it doesn't have a bit of zing, just not as much as Voltage or Revolution.

It is delicious, though. I like it. It is worthy.

Mountain Dew Voltage

New blue Dew number two: Mountain Dew Voltage. Voltage is a slightly different shade of blue than Revolution, a little bit darker, tending toward indigo. If Revolution is the shade of twilight just after the last sliver of sun has vanished over the horizon, Voltage is the sky about a half hour later. Still not really dark, just not as light. It's actually quite beautiful.

The label describes it as, "charged with raspberry citrus flavor and ginsing." Yep, ginsing again.

And I've never understood how blue came to be the color associated with raspberry flavor. All the raspberries I've ever seen have been red. I hear tell that there are black raspberries and gold raspberries, but I've never heard of a genuine, bona fide blue raspberry plant. Maybe someone thought there was too much confusion with cherry and strawberry also being red. Or maybe someone just wanted to make a blue soda and couldn't find a real "blue" flavor and picked raspberry randomly. I have no idea what the first "blue raspberry" pop or candy was, but it's taken root throughout all the junk food industries.

Anyway, on to the drink.

As I open the bottle, the smell is unmistakably raspberry, with a zing that tickles my nose before I even take a sip.

Hmm. Unlike Revolution, where the berry flavor dominated, in Voltage, the berry flavor seems secondary. The citrus taste overwhelms it. Rather than "raspberry citrus" I would probably call this "grapefruity with a hint of raspberry." This is not to say I don't like it. Actually, I think I prefer it to Revolution. I might even prefer it to Code Red, my longstanding favorite Mountain Dew.

Very nice.

Mountain Dew Revolution

On my last visit to the grocery store, I discovered that Mountain Dew has released three new flavors: Revolution, Voltage, and Supernova. Apparently, ordinary Dew, Code Red, LiveWire, Baja Blast, Game Fuel, and whichever other flavors I've forgotten just aren't enough.

Well, they got me hook, line, and sinker. Sucker that I am for new flavors of anything, I bought one bottle of each. I'll review them separately, because I can't drink that much Dew at once. Back in college, yeah, I would wash down my footlong jalapeno sandwich with six cans of Mountain Dew, but these days, I can't eat or drink like that.

I'll start with Revolution. It's a dusky blue in color, like a favorite pair of worn-out jeans. The label describes the flavor thusly: "Infused with wild berry fruit flavor and ginseng." What doesn't have ginseng these days? It's so everywhere.

As I open the bottle, the smell very much reminds me of the blue Gatorade Frost. In fact, if I close my eyes, I imagine a bottle of Gatorade in front of me. Possibly the color of Revolution contributes to this illusion, although it's not exactly the same shade of blue. (The Gatorade Frost being a bright electric blue, while Revolution is darker, like the pale leading edge of twilight.)

Now to taste it . . .

I was afraid it would taste just like Gatorade Frost, but I am pleased to report that it does not. It has a sort of generic berry flavor, not identifiably blue-, black-, or raspberry, but perhaps some mix of all three. I think I taste blueberry, but that could well be a mind trick as my brain links together the beverage's blue color and the "wild berry fruit flavor" description. What fruit? I would guess some sort of citrus, as that is the Dew hallmark. I do feel a citrus zing on my tongue, but I can't pin down lemon or lime as a recognizable flavor.

No, wait. There it is, in the aftertaste. It reminds me of a Japanese Ramune soda. You know the ones with the marble in the bottle? If you're not familiar with them, the marble is stuck tight just under the lip of the bottle, and you have to push it down to open the soda. No matter how careful you are, pop always sprays everywhere, which is why I usually open my Ramune in the parking lot of the Japanese grocery store, before I get in my car. My nickname for Ramune is "Explodapop."

Anyway, the original Ramune has a lemon-lime flavor. Not like real lemon and lime, but like those little lemon-sour pellet candies that come in the packages with the cool Bandai toys. And that same fakey lemon-lime flavor is the last taste to linger on my tongue after a sip of Revolution. It really isn't the standard Dew citrus flavor at all, and the similarity to the Japanese candy makes me feel disappointed that my bottle of Revolution didn't come with a Godzilla finger puppet or some miniature plastic sushi. At the very least, there ought to be a marble in the bottle. I suppose I could put a marble in the bottle, but it wouldn't be the same.

That said, I like Mountain Dew Revolution. I still like Code Red better, but Revolution isn't bad at all. It's certainly a step above LiveWire or Game Fuel. At least I know that if I have an urge for "Romulan Ale" (for which any clear blue drink will suffice), I now have an alternative that's better tasting than Gatorade Frost or that vile Goody Cream Soda.

Doritos: The Quest

Okay, because I'm a sucker for gimmicky foods, I bought a bag of Doritos: The Quest. Matrix-green letters on the shiny black bag promise, "Guessing the flavor is just the beginning . . ." For me, I expect it may be the end, as well.

As I open the bag, the tangy smell makes my nose tingle. My first thought is lime. My second is vinegar.

The underlying color of the chips is yellow with brown speckles. However, a splotchy pale green haze shadows the valleys of the chip's surface. There's a heavy dusting of large white crystals, which I presume are salt. I'll be honest . . . the shade of green is not the most appealing. It's not guacamole green, nor lime green. It's sort of . . . something-left-sitting-too-long green.

Okay, now to taste it . . .

Lime is the overwhelming flavor. Also, they are very salty. There's a zippy zing going that I don't have a name for. It's kind of interesting, though, and not at all unpleasant.

I don't drink, but I've heard that tequila typically has a lime-and-salt thing going. So maybe they're tequila flavored? But since I've never tasted tequila, I can't really confirm that. The chips are pretty tasty, though. But very, very, very salty. Oh my God, now I'm incredibly thirsty.

Time to chug some water.

Miscellaneous Corn

Check out this wacky corn I found at the grocery store this morning. I've never seen corn like this, with purple-tinged white kernels. So I had to try it. I have no idea what this strain is called, as the produce label only said "miscellaneous."

I cooked it the same way I always cook corn on the cob, by steaming it in the microwave. Upon cooking, the white darkened to something more akin to gray than yellow, so it looked slightly less appetizing. However, it turned out to be quite delicious. It's definitely a variety of sweet corn, rivaling the white-and-gold two-tone sweet corn for flavor. The kernels were plump and juicy, and the core of the kernel was bright yellow. I would definitely have this again.

We're Eating What Now?

At work today, I encountered a cookbook for a gluten-free, casein-free diet. The title as it appears on the title page is innocuous enough. However, the title as it appears on the front cover is Special Diets for Special People: Autism, ADHD, Asperger's, PDD: Recipes, Vitamins, Diet Plans, Supplements: To Improve the Eating and Digestion of Children and Adults!

Wait, read that again . . .

To Improve the Eating and Digestion of Children and Adults!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

We're eating and digesting children and adults?!

To Serve Man! It's a cookbook!

Soylent Green is people!

I'm sure it's a fine and useful book and all, but the author and publisher really should have chosen their words a little more carefully.

Chicago Food and More on Distant Worlds

And now for a more complete chronicle of my Chicago trip.

I had window seats both ways, so I enjoyed watching the clouds and the landscape below. The area near the Missouri River is mostly brown, with very scant patches of residual snow. The further east we went, the whiter everything got. Illinois is still fully snow covered.

On the flight out, I saw one of the coolest spectacles I've ever beheld: the reflection of the sun on the surface of the clouds. There on the smooth, flat sea of white was one luminescent spot, surrounded by a faint halo of red, orange, and yellow. Exquisite.

I did not get to do a single bit of sightseeing. Our unfabulous hotel was in a sort of industrial area far, far from any points of interest. To take a taxi to the downtown area would have cost well more money than we had on us. We could probably have used a credit card, but it hardly seemed worth it, given that we would probably have had little more than an hour to play once travel time was factored in. So we hung around the hotel watching Animal Planet, and then we went for an early dinner before the concert.

I ate three meals in Chicago, two of which were in O'Hare airport. Upon arrival, before we went to the hotel, we had wood-fire-baked pizzas at Wolfgang Puck's. I had spicy chicken with red and yellow bell peppers. Oh, it was delicious, but it was nothing to compare to dinner that evening. Since we weren't getting to do any sightseeing, we opted to make dinner a memorable experience, and we decided to go for steak. We chose Gibson's Steak House because a) it was walking distance from the theater, and b) it was highly recommended by our hotel's shuttle van driver, who seemed like a nice guy. (Well, otherwise we would have blindly picked a place out of the tourist brochure.)

I was not really prepared for the caliber of this establishment. To say the least, we were underdressed. The wait staff were all in white suits and black ties, and the service was impeccable. Entrees started at about $10 for a simple hamburger, and they went up to about $100 for Australian lobster with turf. Most entrees were in the $30-$50 range, before sides. My natural instinct to save money kicked in, and I had almost decided on a steak sandwich, which cost slightly more than the hamburger, but was still near the bottom of the price range, but then the waiter brought out a tray with several cuts of meat to show us. Once I saw the superb quality of the beef (USDA Prime) and realized how rare of a culinary opportunity this was, I upgraded my order to filet mignon.

Oh, it was one of the most delicious, flavorful, tender pieces of beef I have ever tasted. I savored every bite like it was manna from heaven.

My friend and I split a half-order of fries, and they were the best I've ever had. (And even a half-order split between the two of us was plenty.) They were thin cut with the potato skins still present, and the seasoning was delicious. And--unlike any other fry I've ever had in my entire life--they retained their excellent flavor even after they'd gotten cold. I love fries--and potatoes in general--but this was an unprecedented experience for me. Generally a cold fry is a dead fry, unsalvageable. These, on the other hand, were good to the last crumb.

The marvelous quality of the beef and potatoes encouraged me to splurge further and get the creme brule for dessert. It was simply divine. In short, if you're ever in Rosemont, Illinois, and you want a superb steak dinner, go to Gibson's.

After dinner we walked over to the Rosemont Theater for the Distant Worlds concert. While we were standing with the crowd outside waiting for the theater doors to open, Nobuo Uematsu himself stuck his head out to see the fans. I was too far to hear what he said, but I saw his face pretty clearly. I thought it was very cool for him to greet the crowd personally.

Although I've already described the concert in my completely lackluster post last night (sorry about that--I was dead tired by then), I'd like to add that I am almost at a loss for words to convey how wonderful it was. Every single performer was masterful, from the Spanish guitarist to the opera singers to the pianist. The chorus was magnificent, as was the orchestra. The conductor, Arnie Roth, effused his delight in the music, and he knew how to play the audience as well, feeding on and feeding into the collective frenzy. Uematsu was received like a rock star, with much hooting and cheering. The pieces were arranged in a variety of styles, from swing to flamenco to opera, but always with a sweeping, classical orchestral flavor. This was music to stir the heart and soul. And it's not just the effects familiarity and nostalgia: I'd never heard any version of "Memoro de la Stono~Distant Worlds" before, and I was still blown away.

"Liberi Fatali" and "One-Winged Angel" were the perfect bookends to this concert. I can't imagine a stronger start or a stronger finish. The selection and order of the pieces throughout the concert was likewise well balanced.

I loved watching the videos projected onto the screens, too. For the Final Fantasy games I've played, it was a trip down memory lane. For the ones I haven't, it was a helpful glimpse into the world described by the music. But while the music would surely be enjoyable for someone who had never played Final Fantasy or heard the music before, most of the videos would probably have seemed incomprehensible to non-gamers. (And before you ask why I think any non-fans would attend a concert like this, I know there was at least one present--I met her in the lobby. She was attending with her son-in-law, who was a die-hard fan. She was a very gracious lady, but she seemed a bit bemused by the spontaneous game-talk among total strangers. I do hope she enjoyed the concert, though. The music stands by itself.) One comment on the video for "Swing de Chocobo": I can't understand why no Final Fantasy VII chocobos were shown, given that chocobo breeding and racing were big parts of that game; I think they showed chocobos from every other game.

Oh, and if I may digress yet again . . . the conductor happened to mention (perhaps without Uematsu's permission) that a third Black Mages album is coming very soon, and that "Maria and Draco" will be one of the pieces on it. I am intrigued by the idea of a heavy metal arrangement of the opera. But whatever pieces will be on it, when I hear "Black Mages," I'm already sold.

I only have two criticisms about the concert. First: the lack of bags and poster tubes for souvenirs. I bought a T-shirt, a CD, and a program, and I found it pretty difficult to wrangle all of them on my lap during the concert. (I bought them first because they were selling very, very fast, and I doubted there would be anything left after the performance.) My friend bought a poster that had been autographed by both Arnie Roth and Nobuo Uematsu (real signatures--not printed or stamped--we compared them with those on the poster purchased by the guy sitting next to us), but with no cardboard tube to protect it, the poster was pretty badly damaged by the time we got back to Omaha. Air travel is not kind to posters, even as carry-ons.

My second criticism: the lack of a program listing all the songs performed, in order, with the names of the soloists. As it was, I do not have a record of exactly who and what I heard. Every piece on the CD was performed at the concert, but not in the same order, and not by the same orchestra, chorus, or soloists. And there were at least two pieces performed which were not on the CD. The glossy program I purchased tells a bit about each game in the Final Fantasy series, and it is filled with beautiful artwork, but it does not contain any specific information about the music. I like it, but it's really more of an artbook than a concert program. So I would have liked a program with details about this performance. Even a simple photocopied sheet would have been nice.

Neither of those complaints detracts from the quality of the music or the performances. The concert was spectacular, and I hope they do more concerts in North America. I would love to hear a live performance of "Dancing Mad" or "Cosmo Canyon."

The next morning (that is, this morning), we were at the airport before dawn, so we missed out on the hotel's free breakfast, having left before it started. Then our flight was delayed, so we ended up sitting in the airport for quite a while. This brings me to my third and final meal in Chicago. I decided to get a genuine Chicago style hot dog, just so I could say I've had one.

The dog itself was a little different from the hot dogs I'm used to. It was more of a red hot, as long as the bun. Then there were the toppings, many of which just seemed weird to me. The dog was buried in a sloppy mess of yellow mustard, chopped onions, sweet pickle relish, a dill pickle spear, and several large slices of tomatoes. Notably lacking was ketchup, the one thing I personally consider essential to hot dogs. I didn't know whether or not I'd like it, because I dislike both onions and mustard, but somehow it all worked together. I think it was the two kinds of pickle that saved it for me, since I love pickles. It was good, and I'd gladly have it again.

My friend got a hot dog with ketchup only. Now, I've heard that street vendors in Chicago will refuse to make one this way. It's Chicago style or nothing. But in the airport, since there are so many tourists, they were willing to customize. My friend informed me that the ketchup they used was rather spicier than she was used to, along with the sausage itself being spicier.


And now for the photos. Here's Red XIII, showing us where the Rosemont Theater is on the map.



And sure enough, there it is! Despite the burned out bulbs in the sign, it's a beautiful theater inside and out, with a massive grand chandelier that reminded me of the Phantom of the Opera.



Here's Red showing off all my loot. I have listened to the CD several times already today. It is fabulous.



And here is Nobuo Uematsu's signature on my friend's poster. Sweet!

Jones Soda Christmas Pack: Christmas Tree

All right, it's time. Christmas Tree flavor. My background music? "O Tannenbaum," of course.

The soda is green--a good, proper evergreen green. It's slightly murky, but not overly much so. If I hold it close to the computer monitor, I can read through it.

The picture on the bottle depicts two Dalmatians flanking a Bassett hound, all wrapped in shining red and green Christmas lights. One Dalmatian is yawning, the other peering intently off to the side, perhaps looking for an escape route. The Bassett hound is gazing at the person holding the camera, his soulful eyes pleading, "Why did you do this to us? Why?"

The message under the bottle cap reads, "Your good listening skills will open many doors to you." Shouldn't that be, "doors for you?"

It smells . . . not all that bad, actually. The scent is mild, with a hint of pine. Not overwhelming. I find it surprisingly pleasant.

The flavor can only be described as pine. It tastes stronger than it smells. Not that I've ever eaten a coniferous tree of any sort, but it really does taste like Christmas tree. A little sweet, but not too much. The sweet does not overwhelm the pine. It's actually quite good. I find myself rather liking it.

I'm surprised and delighted. I really expected it to be horrible, but for all it's weirdness--and believe me, the strangeness does not wear off with each successive sip--it's delicious. I can't imagine any other food or drink this could be served with. It's the kind of flavor that really must stand alone. But it is worthy indeed.

And this concludes this season's reviews of Jones Soda special holiday flavors. (I really, really wish I'd been able to sample the Chanukah Pack, as well, but my friend and I couldn't find it anywhere.) Hope you've enjoyed them. I know I have.

Jones Soda Dessert Pack: Blueberry Pie

I feel fantastic! Oh sure, I've still got a little pain, and two coworkers told me that I looked unwell and that my face was swollen, but compared to the way I've felt for the last two weeks, I feel so incredibly much better. In addition to feeling better physically, my spirits are up and I have more energy today. That toothache really had worn me down and wiped me out. I am so glad I got that root canal, and so grateful to my dentist for jostling the schedule to get me in yesterday. Life is good.

To celebrate, I let myself get Chinese food for dinner. Beijing Chicken. Very tasty.

And now it's time for the last bottle from the Jones Soda Dessert Pack: Blueberry Pie.

This soda is an absolutely beautiful shade of blue, edging into indigo, like the twilight sky after sunset but before the stars come out. The picture on the bottle depicts an uncut pie with four little people made of pie crust decorating it, laying with their heads together as if gazing at clouds. Thin lines of blue and red--food coloring or frosting--provide the faces and clothing. It's adorable.

The message under the cap reads, "Try yoga." Okay. I could use the exercise.

It smells wonderful. The blueberry aroma is strong and accurate.

Delicious. Possibly my favorite so far. While I'm not particularly getting a sense of the pie crust flavor, the overall taste is more like blueberry pie filling than fresh blueberries, so it really does evoke the impression of pie.

One oddity--it leaves a faint tingle on my tongue that reminds me a bit of Pop Rocks, which I haven't had since Kindergarten. Mind you, this tingle is not a bad thing. It's just a little strange.

Blueberry Pie soda is awesome. Jones should get this one out of the holiday packs and into full scale production. This deserves wide distribution. It's excellent.

Tomorrow will be the last Jones review for this season, the dreaded Christmas Tree flavor. I have purposely saved that one to be the grand finale. Tremble in fear!

Jones Soda Christmas Pack: Christmas Ham: An Afterthought

I think where Jones goes horribly, horribly wrong with flavors like Christmas Ham is that they make them sweet. Rather than caving into the consumer expectation that "soda" equals "sweet," I think they would do better to let savory flavors be savory. I like cold, sliced ham, and I think if they had made a beverage that actually did taste like ham, it wouldn't be so bad. It might not be good, either, but it would at least be drinkable. I remember their Turkey & Gravy soda from last year, and that was pretty decent. So it is possible to make a savory soda that isn't nauseating. I think it's the sweet--which has no place in ham flavor--that killed it.

Jones Soda Christmas Pack: Christmas Ham

Happy New Year! The Jones flavor for today is Christmas Ham. Yikes!

I'm listening to a randomized selection of Christmas music to put myself in the right mood for it. And yes, it is still Christmas. For those who don't know the old tradition, the Twelve Days of Christmas begin on Christmas Day and end on Epiphany. Thus, today is the ninth day of Christmas. Leaving aside the nine drummers drumming (or the nine ladies dancing, depending on which version of the song you prefer), let's get on to the soda.

The Christmas Ham soda is murky any muddy pink in hue. It is more or less the color of baked ham, but somehow it seems a bit off, rather like the (Caucasian) "flesh" colored markers and crayons that never quite look right. It is a profoundly unpleasant color for a liquid.

The picture on the bottle is a close up of a green ornament nestled in a white artificial tree, reflecting the spangled small white lights like stars.

The message under the bottle cap reads, "A distant romance will begin to look more promising." First of all, I have no romances, distant or otherwise at the moment. Second of all, I am so gun-shy about internet romances that I will not let myself get into that situation again. I'm not that desperate. So this fortune is a strike out, at least for me.

I haven't even brought the bottle near to my nose for a good whiff yet, and I can already tell the smell is nasty. I find myself leaning away from the bottle. But now I must force myself closer for a proper analysis of the scent . . .

Whatever it smells like, my brain is not registering "ham" on any level. It's sweet, cloying, and a bit chemically. The smell actually makes me want to throw up.

Okay . . . I can not convey how much I do not want to drink this, but I'm going to take a sip so I can describe it here for you. For you!

Oh God.

It is unspeakably vile. It's worse than 2005's Brussels Sprout flavor and 2006's Pea flavor. I get absolutely no sense of "ham" from the taste. The only taste I can compare it to is this one time back in college when I ate a sweet frozen fruit bar while I had the flu, then vomited it up a half hour or so later. And I assure you, the taste of sugar-laden barf is actually somehow worse than the taste of regular barf.

I'm going to pour the rest of it in the toilet now. I'm sure as heck NOT going to drink it.

And then I'm going to brush my teeth and gargle with Listerine as many times as it takes to scour this taste from my palate.

Jones Soda Dessert Pack: Lemon Meringue Pie

Well, next up should be one of the Christmas Pack sodas, but the next one in line is Christmas Ham flavor, and since I don't feel all that well today to begin with, I'm going to give it a pass for the moment. Instead, I'll do another selection from the Dessert Pack, Lemon Meringue Pie. Sorry for wussing out, but don't worry--I will drink the Christmas Ham soda in the New Year.

To go with Lemon Meringue Pie soda, I'm listening to assorted songs by Oranges & Lemons, best known for the opening and closing themes to the anime Azumanga Daioh ("Soramimi Cake" and "Raspberry Heaven" respectively.)

Lemon Meringue Pie soda is the same cloudy, pale yellow color of lemonade. So that works. The picture on the bottle appears to depict a piece of lemon meringue pie that has been splattered against a wall.

The message under the bottle cap says, "Serious trouble will bypass you." Of course, if it bypasses me, how will I know that I've missed anything? Still, it's a nice thought, that whatever happens, I have magically dodged something much worse.

The aroma of this soda is absolutely perfect, with the right balance of lemon and meringue. It smells exactly like the real pie.

The flavor likewise perfectly replicates the flavor of the pie. I don't really get any sense of the crust like I did with the apple and cherry pie flavors, but I don't think that's a big minus. Overall, it's quite delicious.

I'll be out of town visiting family over the next two days, so the soda reviews are on hold until January 2. See you then!

Oh, and for those of you have been waiting with bated breath for updates (that would probably be nobody) . . .

1. Although I didn't get sick from the few sips of Apple Pie soda I took while writing the review, I did get an upset stomach after finishing off the bottle later in the day. So I guess even "natural flavors" are enough to get me.

2. The antibiotics didn't work. My teeth still hurt like the dickens, and I'm still taking uncomfortably high doses of ibuprofen to keep the pain in check. Of course, because of the holiday, it will be Wednesday before I can contact my dentist's office to beg for the next treatment option, whatever that might be. Oh well. Such is life.

Everyone, have a happy and safe New Year!

Jones Soda Dessert Pack: Cherry Pie

The next selection from the Jones Soda Dessert Pack is Cherry Pie. Seriously, this one would be about impossible to mess up, so if it's not good, I'll go into shock. And cherry pie is one of my favorite pies, right after strawberry rhubarb and French silk, so it's a flavor I know well. (Digression: I wish Jones would make a strawberry-rhubarb flavor! That'd be awesome!)

Now despite the fact that the soda is cherry pie flavored, the picture on the label is of a guy eating either turtle or Snickers pie. I see chocolate, caramel, nuts, etc. You'd think they would have picked a picture of a cherry pie, or at least some cherries. But, whatever.

Anyway, the music choice for this bottle is the only song in my collection that has "cherry" in the title, "Black Horse & The Cherry Tree" by KT Tunstall.

The message under the cap says, "Good news is on the way." Bad news, too, I expect. Both are always true at any given time.

The soda is the same clear red color of any number of other cherry sodas I've had. None of the murky cloudiness of the apple pie soda here. The smell, however, is actually different from other cherry sodas. As with the apple pie soda, I get a whiff of flour, that wonderful pastry crust aroma.

And the taste, too, has the crust flavor mixed with the cherry. And the cherry flavor has that appropriate syrupy taste, like real pie filling. We have another winner. The taste is not merely cherry, but really and truly cherry pie.

Jones Soda Christmas Pack: Sugar Plum

The next bottle in the Jones Soda Christmas Pack is Sugar Plum. I expect this one to be good.

What is a sugar plum? All I know is "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies" and "Visions of sugar plums danced in their heads." Is it a plum coated in sugar? Is it a confection made in the shape of a plum or with plum flavoring? I just don't know.

Consultation with Wikipedia tells me, "A sugar plum is a piece of candy that is made of sugar and shaped in a small round or oval shape." Okay, that's sort of helpful. But I still don't know what a sugar plum is supposed to taste like, so I won't be able to judge whether the soda's flavor is accurate; only whether it is good.

To get into the proper spirit, I'm listening to "A Mad Russian's Christmas" by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, a kicking arrangement of pieces from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite, including "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies."

The soda is a beautiful shade of dusky lavender. It's definitely one of the prettier sodas I've seen. The picture on the label depicts a startled guy trying to catch a falling Christmas tree.

The message under the cap is, "You just helped save a child's eyesight. Thank you." I guess that means that Jones donates some percent of their proceeds to help children with vision problems. That's very nice.

The scent has kind of a nondescript artificial tang to it, like Skittles or Starburst candies. It's not the most inviting scent, actually. On second sniff, I can detect the plum.

The taste is not bad. It reminds me just a little of those Japanese Ramune pops. You know the ones with the marble in the bottle neck? (If you don't know what I mean, check your local Asian grocery store to see if they have them. Everyone should experience Ramune at least once. I call them "exploda-pops" because it's nearly impossible to open the bottles without making a mess. But, as usual, I digress.)

Back to the Sugar Plum soda. It's good. I like it. The mild plum flavor is there, but really, the primary flavor is the sweet itself. It's like a hard candy, except without the hard. Given Wikipedia's description, I'd have to say that Jones' Sugar Plum is probably spot-on. In any case, it's really quite tasty, and with every sip, I like it better. I would buy this year-round if it were available.

As the lolcats might say, it is "full of win."

Jones Soda Dessert Pack: Apple Pie

I'm going to alternate between the Christmas Pack and Dessert Pack flavors of Jones Soda. Unlike the Christmas Pack, where I'm saving what I expect will be the worst for last, I'm going to get the flavor I'm dreading most out of the way with the Dessert Pack. And for me, that means Apple Pie.

What's wrong with apple pie, you say? Ain't I American?

Well, yes, I'm American. I'm also allergic to apples. Or, at the very least, I get sick whenever I consume anything with real apple in it. And so I am hesitant about the Apple Pie soda. I checked the ingredients carefully, and there is no apple juice. There are "natural and artificial flavors," so it is possible that there is some kind of apple derivative in it. It shouldn't be any more dangerous to me than, say, an apple flavored Jolly Rancher, but still, I'll probably only have a sip or two.

But now you've been warned--I am obviously not going to be able to accurately judge how closely the taste compares to real apple pie. One time I had a piece of saltwater taffy with what I thought was a strange flavor, and it took me ten minutes to figure out that it was apple. My diet had been apple free for so long that I'd forgotten the flavor. So you see, I'm likely to be comparing the soda to that taffy.

In the spirit of "American as apple pie," I'm listening to "Song for America" by Kansas. Yeah, I know, that's just a little cynical. But I like the point of the song--we have a wonderous and beautiful country, but we've trampled and destroyed the land. The implication being, stop--we're already in paradise; we ought to treat it better.

Returning from my digression, the Apple Pie soda is not the bright, unnatural green of Jones' Green Apple flavored soda (which I've obviously never had, but I've seen in stores), but instead a sort of dingy, cloudy beige. It is exactly the color of apple pie filling, so they've got that perfect. The picture on the label, of course, is an apple pie.

The message under the cap says, "A balance is needed between home and business." Don't need to tell me twice. I've got that down.

The scent is very apple-ish. I can't detect anything other than apple in the smell, but that's probably because my defense mechanisms are warning me away.

The flavor is nice. I think I can detect a hint of cinnamon, and even a bit of pastry flavor, which brings to mind a lovely, flaky crust. The apple flavor lacks the nasty weirdness of the apple Jolly Rancher candy or that piece of yucky taffy; it's actually rather pleasant. I expect someone who actually eats apples and apple pie might find it a fairly accurate reproduction of the flavor.

Unlike with the Egg Nog soda, the cane sugar flavor does not stand out. All I taste is Apple Pie, which is how it should be.

Well, I've had a couple swallows. Now I'm going to put the rest in the fridge. If my body isn't rebelling within the next hour, I'll assume that whatever "natural flavors" are present are so far removed from the apple that they won't affect me, and I'll be able to enjoy the rest of the soda without hesitation.

Jones Soda Christmas Pack: Egg Nog

Fabulous news! Well, for me, anyway. Indifferent news for everyone else. I may not need a root canal. The constant, throbbing pain in my teeth may just be an infection. My dentist started me on antibiotics and said I should be feeling relief within a day or so. Hooray! Because for the last four days (the weekend and the two-day holiday while the dentist's office was closed) I've been having near constant fantasies about ripping those two teeth out of my jaw with pliers. Yes, I realize that in the short term, that probably would have hurt rather significantly more, but I was imagining the long term payoff of those aching teeth just being gone.

Anyway . . . who cares but me, right? Onward to something more interesting, the first bottle from this year's Jones Soda Christmas Pack. I'm going to start off with a flavor I actually expect to be pretty good: Egg Nog. To stay in the Christmas spirit, I'm still listing to carols. Right now, I'm listing to "Joy to the World" in Japanese ("Morobito Kozorite" sung by a chorus featuring Iwao Junko).

The Egg Nog soda is very yellow, much more so than real egg nog. And of course, being soda, it is clear. In other words, it looks not so much like egg nog as a substance one hands to one's physician in a tiny plastic cup. I'm going to do my best to keep the visual out of my head, instead focusing on the cute snowman picture on the label.

The message under the cap says, "Encourage tranquility if you are feeling agitated." Can't argue with that sound advice.

The scent is just a little eggy and just a little noggy. With my eyes closed, I can easily deceive myself into imagining that it's the real thing.

With the first sip, the dominant flavor I noticed was actually the cane sugar. Now, I love cane sugar sodas, however, it really works to the disadvantage of the egg nog effect. The sweet should not overwhelm the other flavors, but here, it really does. But of course, the biggest detriment to the egg nog effect is, of course, texture. Soda can not mimic the creamy, mouth-coating thickness of real egg nog. This ends up being rather more like cream soda with a hint of nutmeg.

It is, at least, very tasty and enjoyable.